The Cold Cold Heart
by TempestJuvano
Summary: Sam and Dean's sister is hunting with them when her past leaves a note at their doorstep, opening up chapters in the kickass female hunter's life that she had rather stay unread... Hurt, Pain, Loss and Grief are familiars to Winchesters by now. What's another nightmare to it?


What problems could she have?

None, apparently.

Apparently.

She took after her older brother in more ways than one. Nothing shown on surface. Her father could at times sense things that she would hide. But he had so less time with her that he couldn't do much about it. But her twin, Sammy, could fish out if she was suppressing something. Not just her. He could sense even their older brother Dean hid something.

With Dean, you generally had to call out on the front, get him a little angry, and he spilled. When we were older, maybe after a few beers, on severe nagging, he'd share a bit.

With me, I had several mechanisms to keep my secrets. Being a girl, that was even easier as we grew up, because then I could blame it on the period or hormones.

And as I became more involved in hunting. I became an expert at lying, hiding, faking things. But that never deterred Sammy. He always knew if she was hiding something big.

She always thought she could fool dean if she had to. True, during training, she had never been able to fake things to him, when they role played.

(Dean would become the police, or officials at a department, and ask me gain entry to the house by posing as agent. If I got past him, I'd get some reward (usually burgers or pie!). If not, I'd have to go running with Sammy. I hated that. I and Dean have that in common.)

But the two years I spent away from them were the hardest. Sammy had run away. I knew he wanted to, but I didn't expect him to actually do it. It shocked us all, most of it, Dad. He had no idea that Sammy wanted nothing of hunting.

I think Dad was more worried that Sam would get hurt out there by himself, and Dad couldn't bear settling in one place like that. The only thing his mind knew now that he had to find out what happened to mom and kill more monsters.

Me and Sammy, we never knew or remembered mom. I would stare at her picture sometimes, when I was very small, and will her to come back. Because other kids had moms who kissed them, who went to the playground with them, and I hated the way they looked at me when I came to school with Sammy and Dean.

But Dean would always hold our hands till we reached. When he found me staring at mom's pic one day, I told him I wanted a mom to kiss me at night. And since then, he'd always kiss me goodnight, no matter our age, or our situation.

After Sammy, dad was so paranoid, that he decided that I should stay in a safe-house. He didn't want too many in the battlefield. I tried to convince Dad that I didn't want to leave him and Dean, but he wouldn't listen:

 _"I've always been here, haven't I? If Sammy'd been here, I would be here too, wouldn't I? How can you say it's too many people? And I am a good hunter. I'm as good as the boys. So why do you want me to stay in one place?"_

 _"I can't have you with me now, Lily. I just can't. And don't argue. You're going, it's an order. Just pack your damn things."_

 _"But Dad, this is-_

 _"Don't interrupt me, Dean. She's going to stay here, I'll buy a small flat, and we'll proof it before we go." John was already leaving._

 _"DAD!"_

 _John turned. "I'll stay here. And the first case I get a whiff of, I'm going hunting. I'm not leaving hunting, even if you make me stay here." I say defiantly._

 _"Just pack your things Lily. Be ready in a couple hours." John stormed out of the motel room._

 _I looked at dean, almost ready to cry. But I saw his face as he met my eyes. He looked ready to cry too. I felt a sharp pain in my heart when I realized his position. Sam left him. I was going to be made to leave him. He was going to be alone when John would go off by himself. And I knew he would never say it, but he was scared to be lonely._

 _I just up and hugged. "Don't worry. I'll sneak back, once he gets cooled off. Fuck Sammy and his college. And you can come here when he goes off to hunt, okay? I'll call you every day. Don't, don't worry." I say, my head in the crook of his neck, and patted his head. He just held me tight._

Dad called bobby and asked him to take me in for some time. I liked bobby, and it meant I didn't have to leave hunting. I could pair of with bobby or any other hunter he knew.

'Some time' extended into nearly more than two years. The first year I took it easy, not bugging dad to let me back. But later, I began insisting that I come back. And Dad would always say no. I even sneaked over to join him, in fact when he told me off, I followed them. But dean just asked me to go back.

It hurt, but then I realized, that he couldn't deal with me and Dad fighting all the time, and it was more comfortable for him to know I was out there doing my thing.

And then one day, dean turns up.

 _I was working a late shift at the diner. I usually didn't take night shifts, but I needed to stay away from Bobby's for the night. I was at the end of a tether and after, I was going to take a bus, to go see Sam. I wanted to call dean, but in the mess that I was, dean would've just started shooting. I'd talked to Bobby, and my duffel was sitting at my feet behind the bar._

 _I'd gone to throw out some trash. When I came in, manager asked me to take a one last order._

 _"What would you like- Dean?" I'm surprised._

 _"Heya Baby." The cheeky jerk smiles at me, as if nothing had happened._

 _"How dare you? Your majesty doesn't pick a goddamn call for months, I can't track you or dad, even he's stopped answering and you say Hey?" I stop, and he says, "Dad's missing."_

 _"What? WHat? How? Where- I mean, what happened?" I stammer in high pitch. I'm scared. "Calm down, that's why I'm here." Dean said. I sit down, take a few breaths._

 _"When?" "Couple days ago. I think we should go." Dean says, scaling the diner. "I'm going to Stanford, to get Sammy." He announces. "Actually Dean, -_

 _"I'm sorry, okay? I really am. I know I should have dropped by lately but I've been doing some jobs on my own. And right now, I just want me, you and Sammy in the car finding dad, OKAY?"_

 _"It's okay, dean. I mean that I'm- I was actually on my way to Stanford too." I say. "Why?" He is confused. "To see Sammy." I say, not understanding. "Why else would I go there?" I ask. We both get up. "I thought you might be going to the college. I'd heard you were studying, so-_

 _"I'm already in college, dean. I faked my school certificates to get in. I finished last month."_

 _"Isn't there supposed to be some sort of ceremony they have with those capes and hats and smiles all around and free booze?" he has to ask. I stop to collect my bag from the bar._

 _"There was." "So- what? Didn't want us there?" Dean asks. I'm walking out of the diner, and he follows. "Sam was here. He came in for a day." I don't like where this is going._

 _"So- I was not - "Last month, remember? You weren't taking my calls?" I say, exasperated._

 _"I'm sorry, Lil, I am." He says, low. "I know, Dean-o. I know. It's just, I dunno, but it wasn't as it should have been, not with you not there. And just so you know, Sammy misses you guys too."_

 _"I know, kiddo," he says, hanging an arm over my shoulder. "How are you, Baby?" I caress the bonnet of the Impala. "I missed you." I say as I get inside. "How come dad let you have it?"_

 _"Hey I'm a big guy now." "Stop it right there. I don't want 'that' talk right now." Dean laughs, and starts the car. I lay back, as the starting gongs of "Hells Bells" starts on the cassette._

Ever since then, Dean, Me and Sammy, we've been on a rollercoaster. It hasn't been easy. I nearly spiraled a few times, but I managed to rise up always. Sam or Dean or bobby, they're always there to pick up the pieces. And I've been with them through everything.

It was after dean came back from hell. We were on a case, and we'd left Bobby's yesterday.

We're all in a motel, dean's snoring lightly, and Sam's sprawled over, one leg hanging out. I'm staring at a note that was dropped at the motel door in the morning. I usually rise early, and go out for a walk and breakfast. But today I don't.

I feel a faint panic wave in the muted background of my brain. I shut it down. There was only one thing to do with this problem: ignore. I'm saying this VERY logically, not from some misplaced emotional running mechanism. And even if the threat is real, let them come at me. I've dealt with REAL monsters, this is nothing comparatively.

I decide to burn the note before my brothers can read it. I take the lighter, and almost as I touch the corners of the page to the flame, a hand whisks the letter away from me.

I shout, out of surprise more than anything else. I turn around to see Sam holding the slightly singed letter. Now the panic comes on at full volume and I freeze, not being able to decide what to do. And so I don't do anything, while Sam reads the note that ran thus:

"I found you, bitch. I'm going to do the thing I started that night, and tonight, I'm coming all over you, baby. And you won't have a choice.

Tonight, Your monster, Colin."

Meanwhile my cry has woken dean, and he is on default fight mode. He looks at us, and sees we're fine, and shoves the gun back under the pillow. "What happened?" he asks.

"Nothing." I say, just as Sam says, "Everything."

"What's going on? This early in the morning?" Dean is now fully awake.

I sigh, and sit down on a chair. Sam is quiet, waiting for me to say something. When I don't, he just hands the note to Dean.

"Who is Colin, Lily? And why were you burning this note?" Sam asks.

"Whoa, wait, what? What's so freaky about this that you're burning it? Who's Colin, Lil?"

"I was burning this because you guys didn't need to see it. And Colin is just a monster of past. This is nothing to worry about guys." I answer as nonchalantly I can. Dean doesn't look any curious, but Sam does.

"Where was this, Lil?" Dean asks, calm and cool. "At the motel door." "So whoever this guy is, knows you, and knows you're here, right now." "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Sam almost shrieks. "Since when are you so light about safety?" "I'm not, okay? I know how this guy works. He's a douchebag, giving his girl a hard time, so I hit him. Now he just wants payback. He's been trying to find me for years, and apparently he did."

I tell them partial story as explanation, hoping they wouldn't dig deeper.

After breakfast, we're back in the motel, since we have no leads to chase. I'm reading a novel, having gotten bored of the lore. I'm really engrossed, when Dean suddenly comes over to the bed I'm on. "Lil, what did that Colin guy do to you?"

I don't register his question correctly, and I make my mistake. "He tried to molest m-

And I catch myself. "m- My friend." But looking at Dean's face it's no use. I'd have thought Sam would be the one to catch my lie, but it's Dean, and Sam has heard everything.

I have never seen Dean's face like that. Sam's face was worried. But Dean looked so neutral, that I would have taken him to be calm, had I not felt anger radiate off him.

They both sit facing me. "Spill. Details." Dean growls. He's barely able to keep himself from doing anything rash. "NO. I am not telling that story."

"Then we're not going anywhere until you do. Talk. Now." Dean moves closer, glaring at me. "Calm down Dean," Sam puts a hand on Dean's shoulder, which he immediately flicks away. "I'm not going to 'calm down' Sammy. Are you Calm right now?" Dean shouts. "Actually, I'm not either. Lily, start talking." Sam goes over to Dean's side.

"Alright. Fine. It's nothing. Just a jerk I dated, got too attached and clingy, and one night, he tries to make a move, and I say no, and he keeps on coming. He, uh, he tried to Rape me. I gave him two on the jaws and one in the nuts, and I got out."

"Doesn't seem like a one-time rejection payback. Just tell us the goddamn truth please."

No one speaks for a long time. I think. What use is it not telling them anyway?

"You wanna know? Okay, here's what happened."

 _"I had been at Bobby's for a couple months now. I was bored without any hunts. So I went to the community college, and enrolled for electronics and a paramedic diploma._

 _About two weeks later, after classes, I went to see a game. One of my friends was in the team, so after the game, I went to see him. The other team was there too. There was this guy, Colin, in the other team, and he began flirting. I flirted back. He asked me out. I said yes._

 _I went out with him a couple times over the next few months, and I had started to like him. He was really nice. We didn't have much in common, but it didn't matter to me then._

 _I told him that my father was a traveler, and my brother kept him company, and that my twin brother was in law school. I told him I skipped two grades to explain my age._

 _He had started referring to me as his girlfriend. We had become pretty serious. Things were pretty good, with him and college, but I still missed you guys and Dad."_

"Lilz, was this that guys you had mentioned then?" Sam asks, hitting upon realization.

"You talked about him with Sam?" Dean asks, incredulous. "Lily? How did that go to this?" Sam asks. "That? This? Apparently not telling me is the new rule now." Dean complains.

 _"I didn't tell you then dean, because I didn't want to say to you that- I wanted to quit hunting and go civilian. Not when Sam had run off, and I was away. I didn't want to say until my relationship was definitely permanent. I thought he was the one, you know."_

"Oh my god." Dean sits down, his head in his hands. "I am going to kill the bastard."

"No. I am." I say.

 _"On our dating anniversary, he asked me to move in with him." I can see both are shocked, that they didn't know so much of their sister's life. "He had a Key and fob with my name and everything. I said yes, and I told him that I needed to first reconcile with my father and brother, and then I could come back to him. He agreed. He even insisted on coming with, but I told him I didn't want him meeting the family this way._

 _Then I took off, and traced you and dad during that ghoul case. I thought I should spend a couple days and then bring up something like this. It wasn't like I needed permission, but I needed to tell you something that big in person. Sam was also ready to visit after I'd spilled._

 _But Dad immediately threw me out, and when I followed you guys, Dean, you convinced me to go back and live my life without it being controlled by dad. I couldn't tell you then."_

Dean groaned, slapping his forehead. "This is why you followed? Why didn't you fight us?"

"Because I was done fighting."

 _"I returned, and I moved in with Colin. The first month was great. We were new at it, and both adjusting. But the 2nd and 3rd months, were difficult. We fought a few times, he couldn't control his temper, and I couldn't control my mouth. We used storm off often, but he used to come home drunk. There were good moments sometimes, when we weren't studying or working or fighting, he used to tell me jokes, funny stories, and I'd sing._

 _I was at home, waiting for him. He had promised to come early, for our half year anniversary. At midnight, when his phone wasn't answered, I traced the signal. And I ended up at a house._

 _I didn't knock. I just went up the pipe. In the next room I heard Colin' voice. I quietly peeked in, and found him cheating on me. I quietly went back home the way I came. He came in late. I pretended to be asleep._

 _The next day was Sunday, we were both home. I waited for him to say anything. But he lay in bed, nursing his hangover. I didn't ask him, why he was late, or where he was. I told him Bobby was sick and I was going to visit. I stayed the day at Bobby's and went home after dinner._

 _Colin was sleeping. I slipped in the covers, noiselessly. A few minutes later, he tried kissing me, and I kept avoiding him. He finally got mad and he slapped me. I was shocked. And in that moment he took advantage of – of"_

"Of what Lily?" Sam quietly asks.

 _"Of taking my blouse off. He tore it off me. I came to senses and tried pushing him over, but I was tired and he was strong, and I didn't want to hurt him, so I didn't use any tricks. Instead of taking the hint, he just got angrier and he tried to –_

And I hide my face in my hands. I cannot stop the tears anymore. They aren't many but I don't like showing any. Suddenly, my both sides were occupied by Sam and Dean. Each of them slung an arm over my shoulder and hugged me.

A few moments later I stood up, and washed my face at the sink. Then I continued.

 _"While he was trying to- I hit him in the nuts, and he fell off me. I was so angry, that I hit him in the jaws few times. I got dressed, packed my stuff. As I was about to leave, he attacked me again, and I shoved him hard, and he broke his Leg. I left him like that, and went to Bobby's."_

"Bobby knew all this?" Dean asks.

 _"NO. He still doesn't. I told him that I had a fight, and we broke up. For three more months Colin wasn't any trouble, because his leg was in a plaster and didn't come to college then. I did go see him, but when he was asleep. He kept calling and leaving messages. But I only replied once, that we should talk after he got better._

 _I contacted you, Dean, and tried to get back with Dad, but you wouldn't let me leave college and I couldn't gather enough guts to tell the truth to Dad._

 _So about four months later he turned up at the college and he apologized to me publicly. I was stunned. I told him we should start slowly, maybe date again. He agreed._

 _A month later, I caught him with another girl. This time, I called him out there. And his return answer was to jump me at night, when I walked home. I fought and injured him._

 _Next day he apologized. I said no this time, and he was so angry that he slapped me in front of the whole college. He was caught and the principal suspended him for another month._

 _This was near the ending of my course and I was working on my submissions. He showed at graduation, but Sam was with me all day, so I didn't focus on Colin at all._

 _But after that he kept following me everywhere. He would stalk me, literally. He didn't jump me, but like he was studying my routine. So kept changing routes, and times and activities. But I could only do that for so much time._

 _And one day, he caught me, in the back of the diner I worked in, with his friends. They tried to take me somewhere, but I got out and ran. I decided to tell someone. I didn't want to worry Bobby. He was already in tough spot with sheriff. I packed my bag, and decided to go to Sam."_

"Why not come to me? I mean Sam was at school." Dean asks a little hurt. "I tried calling you, but you wouldn't pick up the damned phone. You thought I was trying to come back. So I decided I'd go visit Sammy."

Dean's face is full of guilt. "It's not your fault, dean. You can't blame yourself." I say. "And besides, you're the one who came for me anyway. Dad was missing, and you showed up the very day I decided to leave for Stanford."

"That is why you were going to Sam. Why didn't you tell me then?" Dean asks. "With Dad missing? We had bigger fish to fry. Besides, all I had to do was skip town and hope for it to blow over. And I thought it was. But he must have seen me. That's why the note." I sighed.

I had never told this to anyone. And I had meant to keep it that way. But now that I told it all to the boys, I admit it feels a lot better. Like I wasn't alone anymore in that pain.

"Sammy," Dean says, "you know what to do." Sam nods and goes back to his laptop, furiously typing something. Dean takes out that note and begins to inspect it. "What are you boys doing? What are you planning Dean? Tell me." I ask them, knowing well what they might be planning to do.

"Lily, we are going to work this case that we're here for. Look through the lore again and see if you find anything." I'm kind of surprised, that he isn't out looking to kill Colin. "Okay," I say and I start digging in the lore again.

Its evening now and nothing has yet happened. We went out to lunch, but to my surprise there was no sign of Colin. I'd have thought he would take the first opportunity of me being in a public place to humiliate me.

I'm in the room. Dean's probably still going through those records in the library. Fancy him staying overtime in a library, but we needed Sam to weasel his way into the morgue with that cute nurse being all over him.

Dean told me he'd meet me at the Motel half hour ago now. I call him, but it goes straight to voicemail. I'm slightly worried. He can take care of himself. But with the Colin thing going, we had multiple threats to think of right now.

I shake my head, not wanting to open that can of worms.

I am impatient now. I call Sam. "Sammy, Dean's still not here."

"He's with me. I asked him to pick me up." I relax. "Hey how come you're free tonight? Nurse didn't go for the tall shake?" I laugh. "Shut up, Lilo" Sam barks, calling me the one name I hate. He hangs up.

I throw the phone onto the bed. I decide to change my shirt, this one feels unclean. I tug it over my head, rummaging in my duffel for a clean one. Just as I slip it on, I hear loud impatient banging on the door. "Wait a minute! Who is it?" I pick up my small revolver, poke it in my jeans behind me, and slightly open the door.

 _And my worst nightmare stands in front of me. (Actually, not the WORST nightmare, but still-)_

Colin pushes in through the door. I try hard to push it back. But somehow he's gotten stronger. He manages to get inside the room. And then I see it.

He's holding a gun in his hand. And it's pointed at me.

"Colin," I say, shakily. This is not the first time a gun was pointed at me. _This isn't how I'm going down_. I had not expected him to want to kill me.

"Hello darling." He drawled.

"Are you here to kill me Colin?" I ask him, as calmly as I can.

"Nope. Not kill you." He says, shaking a little.

"The gun says otherwise. What do you want with me?" I ask him, confused.

"The gun is not for you. And you know exactly what I want." He says, now shaking horribly as he laughed a terrible laugh.

"Colin, are you okay?" I ask. _This isn't normal. He's shaking like a man in a fever._ All of it sends bulbs off in my head. Supernatural bulbs. _Something doesn't add up here._

"Okay? Okay? You fucking bitch. You ruined me. My name, my life. You couldn't stay quiet, like little girls should. You went and mouthed off, and you dragged my name with it."

"Is this because I told everyone you cheated on me?" I ask him, a little angry. I slip my hands behind me, finding my own revolver. I don't take it out, though. _I don't want to spook him._

"Yeah. Not just that, you hit me. You had the balls to hit me, not just once." He spit.

I shrug, not knowing what to say. _Dean, Sammy! Come back fast._ I take a few steps away, slowly, gradually increasing distance between us.

He realizes I'm standing too far. Just as he covers up the distance I made, the door clicks open, and my brothers are entering the room, weapons in their hands.

He hears them, and in a second, his arm is around my neck, and the other one is pressing the barrel of his gun at my head. _I won't die. Not like this, not in front of them._ I quietly gesture Sammy to start talking.

"Whoa, hey! Calm down, we can talk." Sam slowly lowers his weapon, throwing it to the floor, a little away from him. Dean mirrors him. But I know Dean's always packing two. _Thank god for Dean's little paranoid habit!_ I shake a little, continuously, fighting against his arm. He keeps applying force to hold me in place. "Down little bitch! If you don't stop moving I'm gonna start shooting." He barks in my ear. "Okay, okay," I stop, completely touching my back to his front. Colin is shaking hard.

"Let her go, you bastard! You are so going to regret this." Dean growls at him. I am slowly sagging into Colin. He doesn't realize that I increased the weight on his arm. My neck's a little constricted, sure, but he won't be able to react fast enough to my dead weight.

Sam begins talking, and as I find Colin's attention focusing on Sam, I begin to turn slightly. In a minute, I'm nearly halfway turned in Colin's grip, and I can now access my revolver.

I gesture Sam to retrieve his weapon. Colin's still shaking a lot, but his grip is tight.

And then three things happen in one moment: I suddenly put all of my weight against Colin, who staggers, loosening his grip, and I knock out his gun. Sam sits down, takes back his gun. Dean whips out his second gun, and points that at Colin's head, just as I get out of his grip.

Colin falls to the floor, shaking uncontrollably. I retrieve his gun. Dean's still pointing at Colin's head. "Dean, something's wrong with him." I say. "You think?" Dean answers sarcastically, while Sam goes through Colin's pockets.

"No. I mean like our kind of wrong. He's messing with something supernatural. I just feel it. Okay?" I say. I'm not sure I can pinpoint what's wrong. "Why?" Dean asks. "I don't know."

"I know." Sam answers. He's on the floor holding a hex bag. "I know, and I know what I have to do now." He picks up his gun, and holds it to his own head. His hand is shaking. "Sammy!" Dean and I shout. "No. Not before you," Sam says, and now he points the gun at Dean.

I don't know why I do it. I want to reach out and knock over the gun. I kick, but Sam moves, and the hex bag falls to the floor. Sam looks at us, like out of a daze. "Did I- I just get-

"Hexed. Someone's out for us, a witch." I answer. I take the lighter from my duffel, and I burn the hex bag. And just then, Colin stops shaking. He is still lying on the floor, groaning.

"Hey get up, douchebag." Dean kicks him. Frankly, I wanted to do that for a long time.

Colin sits up. "How were you hexed? What happened?" Sam asks him, sitting next to him.

"I followed the bitch-

Here Sam inserted a hard punch in the jaw. There is a cut in Colin's lip. Dean chuckles. "I have the gun now, so I guess you better watch your mouth. There's no guarantee we're letting you go out of here at all." Dean tells him.

"I- I saw her. In Sioux Falls. It has been a long time," he tells me, looking at me. "Not long enough, I see," I tell him. "I saw her, and I wanted to just, get back at what she did."

"What?" I say. "You left me. You were supposed to be there. No matter what I did."

"So it's okay for you to sleep around with other women, and I should still be there for you?" I raise my voice. "They were just flings, you know that. Some fun on the side." He scowls.

"Oh! Oh okay, then maybe I should have had multiple boyfriends too. That would have been the right thing to do." I say, scathingly. "You're a whore then." and before Sam or Dean can do anything, I am Colin's throat. I squeeze hard, and neither of my brothers says a word.

"Let me go! You- YOURE KILLLING ME!" Colin tries to shout. "HHelp ME!"

"Should we help him, Sammy?" Dean asks, snidely. "No, I don't think so. What's one less asshole to the world?" Sam answers. A few more moments, and he's thoroughly frightened.

"Lilz?" Dean asks. "Are you sure you want to kill him?" "I don't know dean. What do you think?" I ask. I'm still angry. "Maybe sit down, talk?" Sam suggests. _Oh Sammy. This isn't the time. You have no idea._

"okay." I let go of Colin. He breathes harshly, rubbing his neck, crawling away from me. I look at him. _Should I go down that road?_

I walk over to my duffel. I clip on the silencer over my gun, and I pull over a chair. I sit on it. My brothers are a few steps away. Colin's near the wall, rasping. _Here we go._

"We are going to a play a game, where I ask, and you answer. Otherwise, I start shooting. You tried to touch me without my permission. Yes or No?" I ask Colin.

"How about some other game?" he looks at me, still cocky.

"Answer. Yes or no?" I repeat. He says nothing. "Lily!" Sam begins, but dean holds him back.

I point my gun at him. "Yes." He drawls lazily, looking at the barrel.

"Look at me." I order. He obeys. "Did you hurt me, yes or no?"

He says nothing. I calmly lean back in the chair. I aim at him, my finger on the trigger. I hear my brothers gasp, but I ignore it. Colin's still has a smirk on his face. I shoot very near him, in a quick clean motion. I see he's scared out his wits. _That's it, that's what I wanna see._

I grin at him, picking another side to shoot again. "Yes! I hurt you!" he hastily answers.

"Hmm, good, now see that wasn't hard at all, now, was it?" I say. "So what do you say to someone you try to rape and hurt and kill?" I ask him, in my sweetest voice, raising my gun.

"I- I- I'm Sorry?" he squeaks, shaking. I know this time, it's out of fear. "Good. Say it again."

"I'm sorry." I pretend not to hear it. _Let's play freaking out the freak!_

"What was that? You talkin' to me?" I say, playfully. _This feels great!_ I pick a spot and shoot. Again, and then again. He's frightened out of his skin. "I'm talking, okay? I'm sorry, Lily! I was an asshole, and I hurt you, and I shouldn't have. Sorry." He blubbers.

 _I feel calmer. Happier._

"What else do you say when you're sorry, boy?" I ask, waving my gun around.

"I won't do it again. I won't follow you. Let me go. Please don't kill me. I won't ever bother you again." He begs now. "Wrong answer! You **can't** hurt me again anyway." I say, shooting yet again. There are multiple holes in the floor now. "Will you ever do this to any girl, ever?"

"NO! No. never again." He says, immediately. _That's right, you won't._ "Somehow, I don't believe you. Should I kill you? Maybe I should." He's shaking his head. He's sweating hard.

"Please don't kill me." He says. "Hmm. You're right. I can't kill you." I say. "I CAN cut off your balls now, that's possible. Maybe just shoot the right muscle." I tilt my head, scanning his face for his reaction.

He Cries! "Lily, please, just let me go, and you will never see me, ever again. I'll go far away. Please, just don't hurt me." He cries, tears slipping down his eyes.

"Okay." I say perkily, getting up. I push the chair away. "Get out. now." I point at the door.

He looks at me, unbelieving. _He won't hurt anyone again. He'll always be scared. That's his punishment._

Then he half crawls, half walks to the door. At the door, he stands up, and is about to leave, when dean calls him. "Hey!" he turns around, scared. Dean lands a punch on his face. "What? I was the only one who didn't get to!" Dean says, turning to us. "Run kid. Run fast, and as away from her as you can." He tells Colin, who gets up and scrambles out the door, running frantically.

The three of us are left in the room. Me, Dean, and Sammy.

We look at each other. My brothers have never seen me like this. The cold, crazy, unpredictable and violent inquisitor.

 _I'm scared. I don't know if they'd hate me._ I look into their eyes. They have this strange look; I can almost read their expressions:

Sam would say, _"I'm so sorry. You should never have had to deal with these things ever. You should never have had to become that cold, furious person."_

Dean would say: _"I'm sorry I failed you. I'm sorry I didn't get in between the pain and you. I'm sorry I didn't kill him before he could ever lay a finger on you. I'm sorry I left you alone."_

They don't have to say anything, however. I see all this in their eyes.

I'm so relieved that they don't hate me. They understand who I am, and why I am like this.

I nod. And I know they understand what I mean to say: _"It's okay. I'm okay. It wasn't your fault. I'm really okay. You're here. I'm alright."_

We walk towards each other and my brothers pull me into a hug. I hug them back fiercely.

And then I feel it.

I'm okay.

I'm really okay.


End file.
